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Good grief

Life can be tough some times.Cliff & Momma Landis

A month ago yesterday, my mother died.  She and I were very close.  I always considered her one of my best friends, which was a blessing to me as I grew up.

Mom was staying with us at my house while she recovered from a back injury.  She had a stroke on Saturday, June 16 and died on Sunday, June 17th, 2012.  I have since given the eulogy at her funeral, helped organize her organ donation with my sister, sent a lot of thank-you cards, begun cleaning out her house, made up a spreadsheet of her financial accounts, paid some of her bills, and started closing down all her online accounts.

I have good days where I find old photos and notes, and remember good times from growing up.  I have bad days where I find things that made her cry, or see where sadness and exhaustion took her willpower away from her.  Some days I just feel numb.  I keep getting the impulse to call her and tell her about little things, or to let her know that I made it back up to Atlanta safely.

So yeah, life has been tough.  Work has been tough.  I spend most of my “off” hours sorting through the remains of her life, trying to organize and clean it up to make some sense of everything and to create a lasting memorial of her for the family to share.  I don’t sleep so well any more.  I try to eat well and exercise, but that’s tough too.  I don’t like to whine or gripe, in general — most of you know that I have a tendency to be “solutions focused” — but this is something that has no solution.  I’m going to miss her forever.

But there’s a lot of good memories to comfort me, and a lot of great folks that have been very supportive through everything.  I haven’t been my normal upbeat, hyperactive, do-ALL-the-things self lately, but everyone’s been pretty understanding of that.  I anticipate it’ll be several more months before things start to return to normal for me.

So yeah.  That’s it.  Life can be tough some times.

3 Responses to “Good grief”

  1. I’m spending a sunny Sunday morning re-acquainting myself with my feed reader, which is why I’m so late in responding. Cliff, I was so sorry to read this. My condolences to you and your family. I can’t imagine losing my mother, so I can’t imagine the grief. Good for you for reaching out and writing about it. You’ll continue to work through it. Know that folks are thinking about you, rooting for you, and eager to lend a hand or an ear whenever you need it.

  2. Thanks Jen. The healing process continues, but the kind words and thoughts of everyone has truly made a difference.

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope the pain lessens as time goes on.

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