A month ago yesterday, my mother died. She and I were very close. I always considered her one of my best friends, which was a blessing to me as I grew up.
Mom was staying with us at my house while she recovered from a back injury. She had a stroke on Saturday, June 16 and died on Sunday, June 17th, 2012. I have since given the eulogy at her funeral, helped organize her organ donation with my sister, sent a lot of thank-you cards, begun cleaning out her house, made up a spreadsheet of her financial accounts, paid some of her bills, and started closing down all her online accounts.
I have good days where I find old photos and notes, and remember good times from growing up. I have bad days where I find things that made her cry, or see where sadness and exhaustion took her willpower away from her. Some days I just feel numb. I keep getting the impulse to call her and tell her about little things, or to let her know that I made it back up to Atlanta safely.
So yeah, life has been tough. Work has been tough. I spend most of my “off” hours sorting through the remains of her life, trying to organize and clean it up to make some sense of everything and to create a lasting memorial of her for the family to share. I don’t sleep so well any more. I try to eat well and exercise, but that’s tough too. I don’t like to whine or gripe, in general — most of you know that I have a tendency to be “solutions focused” — but this is something that has no solution. I’m going to miss her forever.
But there’s a lot of good memories to comfort me, and a lot of great folks that have been very supportive through everything. I haven’t been my normal upbeat, hyperactive, do-ALL-the-things self lately, but everyone’s been pretty understanding of that. I anticipate it’ll be several more months before things start to return to normal for me.
So yeah. That’s it. Life can be tough some times.