I’ve shared my thoughts on anger with friends and family members, and folks have asked me to write them down–so here you go. It can all be summed up into a single aphorism:
We get angry when we see someone violating values that we hold dear.
I value things like hard work, consideration, kindness, a clean and simple space, honesty, responsibility, and self-discipline. When I see people violating these values, I get angry. It took examining my anger over a long period of time to come to this realization.
In fact, I have used my anger as a trigger point to help me be aware of what I truly value in life. When I see someone being inconsiderate of a friend’s feelings, I get angry at them. When I see myself slipping on my responsiblities, I get angry with myself. When I see libraries offer bad service to users because we’re lazy, it makes me furious. But that’s because consideration, responsiblity and hard work are my values.
Sometimes it is inappropriate for me to force my values on someone else (I won’t tell someone else to clean their house before I visit, for example). Sometimes values conflict with each other and must be carefully balanced (sometimes you can’t deliver both fast and in-depth service to a Reference Services user!). Sometimes you have to discuss your values with friends/family/coworkers to iron out anger and conflict. Sometimes you have to recognize that your values are yours, and then you can let small, trivial anger go.
Look at what makes you angry. What are your values? What are your institution’s values? How can you use your anger as a driving force for growth?
November 6th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Well said! and good food for thought. Thanks.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
It’s good to know what gets you angry as you can tell if it’s rational or not. It will also let you know if there is something you can do about it. Also, by empathizing with others, you can get to the root of why someone acts the way they do. That way, you can get to the root of the problem and perhaps change it.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
[...] Thoughts on Anger [...]
November 15th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Communication is vital to dealing with feelings before one’s values are violated. Thanks for the post.
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November 19th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
You are wwwwaaaaayyyyy to anal. Live life – don’t waste energy on anger about things out of your control.
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:28 am
Excellent content and style…keep up the good work!